May 18, 2009

An Interesting Conversation

What?! My friend Steffen asked the third time in a row. I cringed in frustration and we concluded that the aura of the apartment is responsible for out incoherent conversations.

Meantime, my friend Lauren was scrambling to jut down me and Emily's reenactment of different escapades, while simultaneously giving Emily an interview for her journalism assignment. I can't explain the ridiculousness of the entire conversation so I'll let you see it for yourself:

an interesting conversation...
Sat 5:17pm
Tuesday night, Feb. 3, 2009 – my apartment

Erin, snickering: “The pleather regions.”
Emily growls sexily: “Yes sir, may I have another??”

(Erin: interruption to discuss George Bush smacking Mia Michaels, Olympic volleyball player, on the butt in a photo in GQ. This is apparently a tradition for volleyball players.)

Lauren: “Dude, George Bush??? And this is how we all become strippers in the end…”
Em: “We’re all whores. Some of us just get paid!!”
Erin: “You know it.”

Em: “Yes, strippers shop at IKEA. Strippers are people too.”

Erin: “I want this shirt. It says ‘Obama is my homeboy.’ …Oh my god. You know that guy my mom is dating? Well, he just got on Skype and said he saved me an invitation to the inauguration ball.”
Lauren: “What the hell?”

Erin: “Dude, this is the CEO of Facebook. How ridiculous is that???”

Lauren: “Hmm. A candle is lit?”
Erin: “Yes, create the ambiance. …I tried this crystal deodorant once and it works like shit.”

Lauren: “Emily. You are using a spoon to spread butter on your toast.”
Em: “So what??? It’s a utensil.”
Erin: “Is that jam and butter? Oooh. That’s the way I like it.”
Em: “Oh yeaaaaah.”
Erin: “I remember thinking that Sean Penn was actually really retarded in real life.”
Em: “….Michael Phelps is weird looking. Swimmers have to be svelte.”

Erin: “Survive the next great depression in style. How to make a mixed drink out of Listerine.”

Em: “I saw this 35-year-old stripper named Venus giving this old man a lap dance. I was like ‘Oh my god I’m so sorry… ahh.’”
Erin: “…as his dentures were falling out…”
Em: “…into her bosoms! Okay, that is untrue.”

Erin: “The question is, how can two men be lesbians? My answer is… if they both got a sex change.”

(Steffen comes in.)
Steffen: “Hey. This is AMAZING!” (holds up the girls’ movie, Russ Meyer’s “Mondo Topless,” which they had been watching earlier)

Lauren: “NOOOO WAYYYY!!!! NO WAY!!!! I should’ve KNOWN you guys were watching that.”
Erin: “This movie was recommended for class. We technically didn’t have to watch this, but we are very studious.”

Emily: “So then as I was leaving the strip club, I watched my friend go down…”
Lauren: “What? Go down???”
Steffen: “Go down?”
Em: “Haha no… as you walk down, there are these mirrors you can check yourself out in before you go down to dance on the pole.”

Erin: “My mom was walking behind these guys who were going MILF MILF MILF… so she started yelling MILF MILF MILF too… and I was like, uhhh mom do you even know what that means???”

Nato: “Hey, you don’t have a fly screen!”
Steffen: “I have an ice cream if you want it.”

Written on Friday - Comment - Report Note
Lauren at 6:11pm February 7
ok so simon and simon and nathan are not in this, but i thought u would find it amusing haha
Simon at 6:17pm February 7
I totally thought this was gonna be an awesome story because I was in it... but i'm not. I'm disappointed in you lauren.
Nato at 10:15pm February 7
Not quite as spectacular as the line - "What's the moral of the story?... NEVER READ A FABLE TWICE!!!"
Steffen at 11:14pm February 7
just a fun little fact, george bush didn't smack her on the ass, he hit her tattoo on her lower back for some reason......
Erin at 12:25am February 8
ha ha thanks for clearing that up for me Steffen.

So my advice to you is to never have a conversation in apartment 55 because it is useless.

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